When you go through hard times, what do you need from your friends? Do you need someone to talk to? Or someone to hug or text? Do you just need to escape for a while and not talk about it? Or does it change on a case-to-case basis? What if you don’t know what you need at all?

Now imagine that’s your friend.

What to Say

1. “I’m here for you.”‍

This one may be the most common of all on the list because knowing that a friend has your back is not something that ever gets old. When someone is in need, knowing they have an emotional support human to help get through it may be all they need.

Pro tip: Adding on a “when you’re ready” after “I’m here for you” is a great way to include an additional layer of trust and support.

2. “How do you like your coffee?”‍

This is something that puts action first and talking second. Sometimes, small acts of kindness and generosity can do more to support someone’s mental health - especially if they’re not ready to talk or they’re overwhelmed. Showing up with your friend’s favorite coffee order is a simple and meaningful act of service that shows you care.‍

Pro tip: This does not have to be coffee! Coffee is replaceable with whatever your friend’s preferred treat is.

3. “How can I help take your mind off things?”

Being in need sometimes means needing an escape. It’s exhausting for humans to think about their struggles 100% of the time. As an emotional support human, there are many ways for you to show support outside of talking. Giving your friend a reprieve and helping take their mind off things can make the days lighter in a much-needed way.

Pro tip: Some ways you can provide an escape include taking them to the movies, catching a sports game, visiting their favorite park, exercising together, or cooking something together.

4. “Can I give you a hug?”

Much like showing up with coffee, offering a hug is a way of showing support that requires little talking. However, this one should only be offered toward friends or family who you’re very comfortable with and only if the situation feels safe and you have their consent. With all those factors in the right place, a hug’s healing abilities can be abundant.

5. “I don’t know, but I’ll do my best to help you figure it out.”‍

As an emotional support human, your job is not to offer unsolicited advice or tell your friend what to do. Facing these challenges may take time, but your friend will be grateful to know that they have someone who will be with them every step of the way.

Pro tip: You can be a sounding board to your friend with their permission.

6. “Do you want to talk about it?”

It is always important to ask permission to talk with a friend about the challenges they’re facing. They may not be ready, it may be a bad time, or they may just want to acknowledge it briefly then move on. Asking someone if they want to talk about their challenges shows them that you will not push them out of their comfort zone. 

Pro tip: They might even be feeling pressure to talk. In this case, it’s great to tell them, “It’s okay to not talk about it if you don’t want to.”

7. “This made me think of you.”

Have you come across something and thought, “that is SO my friend!”? Maybe it was a funny meme, a TikTok, a song, or someone out walking their favorite kind of dog. Did you reach out when you thought of them? Sharing with your friend that they are on your mind for any reason is a kind way of reminding them that they have an emotional support human nearby - and more importantly, they matter to you.

8. “That sucks.”

This is tried and true. Sometimes we just want to vent about our challenges! And in those situations, you don’t feel like you need help; just someone to listen. You may not be helping your friend find a solution to their challenges by saying this, but you are providing vital acknowledgement and empathy. And these are the foundations of encouragement.

Every suggestion on this list is here to help you become a better emotional support human, and this is only the beginning! Did any of these suggestions stand out to you? Have you used any of them before?

Don’t be afraid to share this post to tell your own emotional support human what you need too!  

Not quite ready to put this into action? Try testing it out in our virtual space!

‍