You likely get asked daily the deceptively simple question: “how are you?” Such a common and standard greeting, the sort of question that you’re expected to answer with something polite and unrevealing such as, “I’m fine,” or, “All good.” But it’s also likely that those expected answers are not always truthful, and sometimes it can hurt to cover up how you’re truly feeling.
What is an emotional support human?
Even though we are not alone in our mental health challenges, our society often expects us to support ourselves and act as if everything is fine. However, this can feel like lying when you’re suffering and need help. But what if there were people who truly wanted to know how you are—every time they asked?
In Howard County, there is a growing movement for people to join in and opt to be an emotional support human. These support humans can be anyone: a close friend, roommate, parent, romantic partner, sibling, coach, religious leader, teacher, or even a new acquaintance. As emotional support humans of Howard County, these people show a willingness to reach out and listen compassionately to friends and loved ones living with anxiety, depression, and other mental health challenges. And don’t forget – you can also be an emotional support human!
So how do you become an emotional support human? Luckily, you don’t need any training to show up for your loved ones! There are many ways to be an effective emotional support human, but you can start by checking in on someone and asking how they are, without any expectations. Don’t worry if you don’t get an immediately forthcoming answer. We are so used to answering in nondescript ways that it may take a few times to learn that we can be truthful in response. When you take on the role of an emotional support human, you’re making a commitment to creating an environment where people feel safe to be truthful.
Why are emotional support humans important?
In the Howard County Health Assessment Survey (HCHAS) results, 35% of residents reported sometimes feeling depressed in 2021 and 16% said they received some sort of mental health treatment. Globally, an estimated 5% of adults suffer from depression. Emotional support humans are here to help these folks through their struggles by showing up and learning how they can effectively provide support.
3 ways to show up as an emotional support human
Get started today. Below we’ve outlined 3 ways you can effectively show up as an emotional support human.
Just listen
Listening is key. Have you ever tried telling someone how you’re truly doing, only for them to try and fix it? Or worse, tell you something that starts with the words “at least…”? Being an emotional support human means being there to just listen. Listen to what is going on in their life. Life is not a press bulletin; people have layers. As an emotional support human, listen to your friend or family member describe how they are handling and reacting to tough situations, and don’t try to find a solution. While it may be tempting to help them fix things, the real solution is just in being an emotional support human. Because no one can face mental health challenges without support.
Here are some ways to listen better:
- Give your undivided attention, and make sure you’re in a good head space to do so
- If talking in person, put your phone on silent to avoid distractions
- Don’t judge what they share with you
- Don’t rush the conversation – they may need to feel their feelings rather than work on a solution
- Ask them questions to better understand their experiences or situation
Offer reassurance and validation
Sharing and opening up about tough experiences can feel very vulnerable. When someone is opening up in that way, it can help knowing that the person who’s listening is doing their best to empathize and give support. So, to be an effective emotional support human, it’s important to validate others by providing reassurance that you’re a safe person to talk to.
To offer reassurance, you can try saying:
- “I love you no matter what!”
- “I am always here for you.”
To offer validation, you can try saying:
- “I can’t image how difficult that is.”
- “I get why you feel that way.”
- “Wow, that is really frustrating.”
Ask what they need
Follow their lead! Asking what someone needs allows that person to communicate the kind of support they’re needing. It’s helpful to ask because what they need might not be what you’d assume. Some people may just want to talk, others may want advice, and some might need someone to do an activity with or help with errands and chores. Whatever it is they need, you can be an effective emotional support human by taking this extra and easy step.
Showing up for others makes a big difference.
We believe that Howard County can lead the charge in embracing everyday conversations about common mental health challenges. Now that you know the basics of what an emotional support human is and how to be one, you can try it out virtually first to see how it feels!
