Conversations about mental health challenges are an essential part of caring for and maintaining a healthy relationship with children and young adults. Whether you’re a parent, guardian, teacher, or have a special relationship with youth, you may find yourself assuming the role of an emotional support human for a young loved one. This role brings a deeper level of care that strengthens bonds and leaves a lasting positive impact on both parties. Horizon Foundation in Howard County has pulled together some things to consider when supporting the youth in your life as they cope with mental stress.

1. It’s OK Not to Feel OK

Letting go of the stigmas and misconceptions about mental health challenges is key to reaching the young person in your life in a meaningful way. Depression, anxiety, and other mental health challenges are not imagined, but very real reactions in the brain.

The World Health Organization notes depression is a “leading cause of disability worldwide and is a major contributor to the overall global burden of disease.” Suicide, which is often caused by mental health issues like depression, is the fourth leading cause of death among people aged 15-29 years old. While many suicides happen in a moment of crisis, checking in with the youth in your life on their mental wellness can help you identify the warning signs that often come long before suicide or other serious acts of self-harm.

In the 2021 Howard County Health Assessment, 20% of surveyed residents reported that a medical professional had told them that one of the children in their household had depression or anxiety. We also know that this number is likely higher. Many children and young adults need a listening ear and words of support. Even if you don’t have a history of talking about mental health with family and loved ones, if you approach the conversation with your young loved one with empathy and acceptance, you’re on the right track.

Let them know their feelings are valid. Explain the tangible impact stress can have on how we all go about handling our everyday lives and responsibilities, such as fatigue, loss of sleep or appetite, and increased irritability. If you’re having trouble coming up with the words, Horizon Foundation has tips on how to start the conversation, such as:

• It might just be me, but you haven’t seemed like yourself lately. Is everything OK?
• Are you dealing with a stressful time right now?
• How have you been feeling lately, really?

2. School = Stress

The realities that come with being a student can sometimes have negative impacts on a young persons’ mental health. Consider different events that may be going on in your loved ones’ school life. For example, if you are a guardian of a new college student, they may seem more stressed than usual during their midterms or feeling lonely if they cannot come home for the holidays. Maybe your grade-school loved one is experiencing the structure of benchmarks and grading for the first time and is feeling pressure and stress concerning their performance. There are also a multitude of social interactions with friends, teachers/coaches, and others that can put a strain on emotional wellness. The bottom line is, school can be fun, but the stresses of learning can take a toll on mental health.

Regardless of their age, all guardians of young people in school should keep in mind that while learning and new social interactions (such as peer pressure, bullying, and dating) can bring about positive emotions, they can also bring up feelings of anxiety, insecurity, and stress. The symptoms of these feelings can vary depending on the age of your young loved one, and knowing what to look for can help you start supportive conversations earlier. The American Psychological Association has published notes for guardians on spotting the symptoms of mental health challenges in students.

Reach out to the student your life in a way that works for them. This may be face-to-face at a time or place when and where they feel relaxed. It also could be via text message or other digital tools. To get some practice, try out the Horizon Foundation’s interactive tool and practice being emotional support humans via text.

3. Your Ego is Not Your Amigo

When speaking with your young loved one about their mental health challenges, it may be hard for you to separate your personal feelings from the conversation. Your loved one may express that they feel you are the source of their stress, or they may put the blame on another guardian/family member or their home environment. It’s hard not to take it personally if they name you or your home as a negative impact on their mental wellness. Nevertheless, it’s important not to react defensively. We are human, and all human relationships come with challenges and rifts.

Accepting that there are strains on the relationship between you and your young loved one doesn’t mean you are a bad or unfit guardian or mentor. If you identify an action you’ve taken is having a negative impact on your loved one’s mental health, take the opportunity to model accountability, openness, and love by apologizing and changing the behavior.

Listen more than you speak and be aware of your physical responses. Avoid doing things that read as defensive or dismissive (such as eye rolling, exasperated gestures, and interrupting). Showing your young loved one that their feelings and emotional well-being are more important to you than pride or being “right” builds trust.  Empathy and understanding are the key in building relationships. Think about the person you know your young loved one to be and try to see the situations they’re describing through their emotional and mental lens.

Moving Forward

While these tips are a great starting point, some mental health challenges cannot be surmounted by a guardian alone. Be honest with yourself about when you as a guardian may need support. Check out the Emotional Support Human website for more communication tips and resources, and don’t be afraid to seek out professional help for your young loved one or family member. By practicing compassion, honesty, and responsiveness, you can be a trusted emotional support human for the young loved ones in your life, and build a relationship that will allow you to support them through life’s many challenges.